You’ve decided to become a foster parent, are licensed and trained, and have welcomed your first child into your home. A few months pass and friends and family start asking “how’s it going?” You respond with a brief “fine” or “every day is an adventure.” But later, when you ask yourself the same question, you struggle to find the right answer.
Foster parenting has been different than you expected it to be. When your foster child came to live with you, you were told to keep your expectations in check. And you’ve tried to do that. But sometimes it seems hard to identify whether your child (or you) have made any progress at all. This may be the time to take stock of all you’ve accomplished. If your foster child has been safe, warm, fed and rested in your home, that’s progress. If he is attending school regularly, that’s progress. If melt downs are happening with less intensity and frequency, that’s progress. If he or she is beginning to make more eye contact with you and other family members, that’s progress too.
Measure your own growth as a foster parent in equally small steps. If you’re getting better at predicting what “sets off” your child, that’s progress. If you’ve found ways to help redirect some of his anger in ways that work better for him and those around him, that’s progress. Without even noticing, you may have modified some of your daily routines so that your foster child feels more a part of your family life. That’s progress.
Settling into in a new home and family is a huge task for any child. And, integrating a new person into your home and family is also a huge task. Give yourself credit for the things that are going well. Remember that every little step you and your foster child take together brings him closer to the safety and stability he deserves and you want for him.
So, when you ask yourself “how’s it going?”, keep in mind that success as a foster parent is best measured in small increments that may seem insignificant now, but that in the long run, will matter profoundly for you and your foster child.